Diario, DiarioDelirio, Home, Wicked

Make the point

14712331_202822000155982_7868724997915672576_nI’m so grateful to this life.
And I’m so grateful to all the things Los Angeles is giving me. 
My relationship with this city it’s never been easy and probably it will not be easy in the future as well
But something changed through all this time. 
When I first arrived, I was excited about almost everything: lights, people, streets…chances. 
I challenged myself in every single way: back then I didn’t speak English at all and I knew nobody else than my boyfriend. I was totally alone: no family, no friends…all I was able to do was to take the bus from my place to my campus. That’s all. 
And stillI was in love with LA.
Then…day after day, week after week…when all the excitement for something new was gone, I felt “disconnected” and lost. My spirituality it’s always been important to me, but here in LA my mind was so focused on learning another language and another lifestyle that I forgot to take care of myself. Or better, of my-inner-self. 
I still remember the exactly moment I thought “This city has no gods” and I missed myself for the first time. Weirdest feeling ever, trust me.
So I started to hate this place. I seriously hated everything about it. 
LA it’s a city who fascinates you…then suddenly it chews and spits you out.
For a year, I woke up crying and I tried to deal with panic attacks all day long. 

No that nice, right? But yet, you can’t tell.
I really don’t show my feelings to people and yes, I can be kind and smile, but to be part of my life you really have to win a piece of my heart. Only very few special people know what I’m talking about…all the rest are still free to think my life is a golden vacation.
Anyway…through all this time, the relationship with this city it’s been a scary/adrenaline rush on roller coasters
Until this summer, when I took my usual vacation to visit my family in Italy and where I eventually got my wake up call (but that’s another long story).
What a journey it’s been!
I don’t even know how many time I felt so tired that I was about to give up. But right now, I’m so glad I didn’t. 
I mean, my life is still a mess and probably it will be for long time yet. With a slight difference: now I can see the magic everywhere. What changed? My point of view. I used to look everywhere to find some magic but never inside of myself. Now, I’m able to see it just because I understand it actually is inside of me…deep inside of my bones, deep inside of my blood. 
When I came back to LA, I had a rejuvenate spirit and I refused to compromise as I did in the past years. 
All the new things now present in my life….Happiness Brand, the book’s translations, be part of events crews…..are all beautiful consequence of my warrior stubborn spirit.
What is going to happen in the future?! Who knows! But I’m ready.
Because I believe in myself, not matter what.
Because I believe in life. 
Because I believe in magic. 
And because, more than anything else, I never give up. 
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